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Asia is a melting pot of different cultures, religions and values. Ever since Marco Polo made his way to this part of the world, people had their own ideas, misconceptions or prejudices without even knowing some basic facts first hand.
Some of those prevail even today, especially about mixed relationships.
With this I mean relationships between Asian and Caucasian women or men.
Everyone heard those kind of stories of bald, old, fat foreign men flocking to Asia and soon be seen hand-in-hand with an exotic beauty. Sooner than later they will buy a house and a pickup truck for their ‘new-found family’. A bit later they are back were they were before – just stripped of their money and other belongings. Need an example?
Check out this thread at Lonely Planets travel forum. Symptomatic?
Let’s examine first, what kind of obstacles mixed couples face here when getting into a relationship:
Acceptance
For sure the days of strange looks and talking behind someones back aren’t completely over yet. Be it in Europe, when a guy visits some friends with his Asian girlfriend or wife; sooner or later the usual stories about ‘Mail Order Brides’ will pop up. Or that he brought her home from his recent ‘Sex Bomber Trip’ from Thailand.
In Asia there are similar prejudices, though not in all countries same strong. In Singapore, where the term SPG (Sarong Party Girl – a woman who is attracted to western man) was originally coined around the old colonial days of Sir Stamford Raffles, it’s pretty common now to see mixed couples all around the city. Cut and dried opinions still exist – mainly in the older generations – but they are rarely heard in broad daylight.
It’s becoming more and more acceptable these days to try out ‘fresh blood’ and some Singaporean Women even rave about the cuteness of Eurasian children and else. What a nice fusion! 
Is it a wonder that most of MTV Asia VJ’s are Eurasians made in Singapore and elsewhere in Asia?
There is almost a Person Cult about those ‘New Breed’; people like Denise Keller (German father/Chinese mother), Sarah Meier (Swiss, Chinese and Filipino roots), Sonia Couling (English father/Thai mother), Max Loong (Swiss father, Malay mother) are adored by millions of Asians and are a new kind of local Celebrities in their own sense.
The Philippines have plenty of mixed blood as well, as you can see on this site of Wikipedia. And check out this huge list of famous Eurasians!
Still – if you are planning to getting engaged to your Asian partner, there are plenty of things to consider. Read on:
Different Values
While in most Asian societies the family is still the highest instance (after God maybe); this isn’t the case anymore in Europe, the US or in most other parts of the Western World. Western people are usually said to be more independent, individualistic and more adventurous. Respect or trust are important values as well, but are lived out in different ways in the corporate world and daily life (more here, would lead to far now).
In Asia, arranged marriages still exist and it’s not uncommon, that the offspring of the post-war generation still lives in his/her 30’s with their parents.
Sex is perceived completely different here than in the Western Hemisphere. It’s mainly non-public, rarely talked or written about and almost always behind closed curtains (except defined red-light zones, e.g. Geylang, Pat Pong, Ermita, Pasay, Kramat Tunggak).
While mistresses are a common and accepted thing in arranged marriages and beyond, casual Sex amongst the youth and twentysomethings is generally not. But most of Asia’s famed massage parlors or shady/shiny Karaoke places are visited by the locals for many and not the original reasons.
In the Western World, Sex is nothing mysterious anymore; just switch on any satellite channel around midnight, browse through any public available magazines or simply walk the streets of the big cities like Amsterdam, Hamburg or London.
With globalization and the influx of immigrants from other continents, things are changing dramatically. More so in more liberal countries like Singapore, Thailand or Philippines (in some ways), less for instance in countries with a ‘tough religious grip’, like Malaysia or Indonesia.
In general – Libertarianism and Freethought are still very rare in Asia.
Thus the rising attraction to ‘the others’, may they called ‘Bule’, ‘Farang’, ‘Ang Mo’ or whatever Caucasians are named in Asia. Asia’s younger generations (like anywhere else) go more easy on exploring new values, trying out new things; because one has to find out, “if the grass is really greener on the other side”.
Pride and Prejudice
Unfortunately – Racism, Stereotypes and Prejudices still exist; in Asia as well as in the Western World:
- Western men are much ‘bigger’ down there.
- An Asian girl with a Western guy is for sure a Prostitute, Bar Girl, a Gold Digger or only ‘wants to escape her misery in her 3rd-world country’.
- Western men with Asian girls can’t get a gal in their home country, they are mainly fat, old and bald-headed, criminals, losers or escapists in their country of origin.
- Asian men with a Western woman are all Beach Boys or Gigolos.
- Asian girls are usually ‘kampung’-girls from a small forgotten village, dumb as straw, submissive – but good in bed, due to having worked years and years in Go-Go Bars or worse.
- Asian women go mainly for older men because of the security, maturity and the financial benefits (Shopping anyone?) they offer.
- Younger Caucasian men have no responsibilities nor do they like any form of commitment, they are only going for the cheap f*ck (aka FFF – ‘Fun’ for Free)
I’m sure you heard all those before and can add plenty of other stereotypes here. Feel free to do so via the Comment Form!
My 2 cents: for sure there is always some drop of truth in a sea of rumors. But most of these stereotypes result mainly from ignorance, 2nd-hand hearsay, narrow-mindedness or pure jealousy.
Religion (not again!)
I know, religion is always a serious topic. We’ve been down that road before. In general, antiquated religious teachings build more road blocks to mixed relationships than making it easier for them:
Can’t use condoms, must marry a partner of same religion – no infidel of course, your partner has to convert, no sex before marriage, virginity is priceless, being gay is wrong and unnatural – you name it – you heard it all and more.
When will religious leaders begin to modernize their antiquated beliefs and start to think in more realistic ways?
Life is not grey and white and things are not how they were written down thousands of years ago. Even at that time life wasn’t perfect. Besides, life and its values evolve and neglecting other ways won’t bring you more followers anyway.
So why not let go and start to accept the way of life everyone choses for himself? Ahhhh, you will lose mass influence and your fear factor? Okay, keep going, but please don’t force your beliefs on others!
It would be great, if it would be that easy – but religion can still be the deal-breaker in mixed relationships these days. Just be aware of it and try to find a way which suits your situation.
Worst case – you might have to move to a more liberal country to live together.
Want to read more about Religion and Sexuality? Click here. About Religion and Relationships? Try this one.
Conclusion
As there is forever fusion in international cuisine, there is and always will be ethnic fusion or mixed relationships. Even ever-increasing these days; as outdated boundaries and unwritten rules fall and will never come back.
And that’s definitely a good thing! The times of enforced racial purity are over once and for all – thank god or thanks to modernization and globalization.
The whole concepts of Race and Racism are completely outdated. Why discriminate or force the beliefs of individuals, if you can learn so much from each other?
Rules and pressure of society, religion and our parents are losing their grip on the population of most – if not all – countries in Asia very fast. For sure, conservative politicians, moralizers and stubborn clerics are trying what they can to stop the wheels of time. But it’s fruitless and ever-more couples are enjoying the benefits of their mixed relationship.
You can learn soooo much from the other one; even more so if he/she comes from a complete different culture, background, religion or with a different mindset. If you can overcome the misconceptions and road blocks, which society and others put in your way – you can take the best of all worlds and form your own, modern family with your partner and probably one day your beautiful children.
Of course it won’t always work out – as anywhere in this world.
But you will learn in the process and will be a more open-minded and more knowledgeable individual, having tried the ‘greener grass’ or the ‘forbidden fruits’ others want you to neglect.
Humans are born to find solutions – so find yours!
If you are young or old, single or open for new experiences – travel to Asia, make new friends, learn by doing, find the ‘one’ or simply enjoy yourself.
Just respect your host country, its ethics and put some trust in the people you meet.
But don’t fret to go all the way with the ones you meet and who are willing to walk that path with you. Everything else will come on its own.
We live in a free world and the borders are open wide. Who will take the step?
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November 20th, 2007 at 7:59 am
It did not worked for me. I will never know why. The bad thing is that there is a babyboy without a father.
November 20th, 2007 at 2:11 pm
Make a life with a bargirl and that’s what will happen to you, or worse…
http://www.bkkapt.com/
November 20th, 2007 at 7:25 pm
nom: I’m sorry to hear that. Sometimes life can be about going strange and hard ways. Then after a while light is breaking through the clouds again. Are you still in contact with each other? This “not knowing” would kill me… :-/
November 21st, 2007 at 8:30 am
u sound like a guy whose travel experiences have not come to waste ;) but i have to point something out, to make ur observations more complete. while it is true that many filipinos, including myself, are of “mixed blood,” you failed to mention that our country has been a colony of spain, japan and america for a very long time. thus the filipinos who have traits other than asian’s. and not merely because there were those stereotypes you described above.
November 21st, 2007 at 4:21 pm
Damn Chris, your writing shows much similarities with what I think right now about living. Even if not under the title “mixed relationship”, it speaks already by its own. You show us exactly the point regarding “losing influence or fear factor”. In Asia, where family values (and by family is not just your parents!) is still highly valued, “influence” plays important role. Even when you are living independently. Not to mention, “who wants to enter the hell”-factor.
We may say, maybe, the westerners have chosen their way, while the asians are still standing in confusion in the crossing!
November 23rd, 2007 at 2:36 pm
Actually, the Philippines, being a Roman Catholic Country is as conservative as other Southest asian countries when it comes to pre marital sex.
My classmate thought that she was pregnant (she just thought… she didn’t get a pregnancy test, which is pretty stupid since we are Nursing Students), so she and her boyfriend went to her parents and told this. Her mother took her to a clinic and was found that she really was not pregnant. in the end they still married each other (at 18) since according to her parents “nagalaw na sya” (she was “touched” already).
About the “mixed relationship” I think I would agree with you. It is just weird seeing a really tiny, dark skinned woman accompanied by a really huge, ballooned-bellied caucasian.
About the prejudice and streotypes… Filipinos consider;
Indians- as people who do not take a bath. (Pinoys love to bathe)- they really smell. Just one indian in my class is enough to stop us from learning. Man, the hygiene…
Germans- pedophiles
Chinese- stingy
Arabs- womanizers
November 23rd, 2007 at 2:42 pm
Read this speech…
http://venusius.blogs.friendster.com/reflections/2005/12/what_an_inspiri.html
(I was the only one who gave a comment on that blog post… hehe)
November 23rd, 2007 at 2:55 pm
I must admit, that my initial post falls a bit short in telling most of the misconceptions out there and I appreciate happily all of your current comments!
That shows that there are really a lot of stereotypes and prejudice which affect people in their daily life’s. We basically have a picture in our head about what to expect from a certain nationality. Our communication will surely consider those, if even only subliminal. And of course I agree 100% with you guys, that the real truth is something completely different (sometimes).
Mon, the speech in your link says it all. We should accept what we are, but embrace and respect other cultures, races or ideologies. We should use the opportunities life throws at us. Even though it’s sometimes hard (I know – it’s for me).
BTW: I like your collection of nationality stereotypes. :))
We should definitely add to that! Maybe I will make a new post with the most common ones, it could be a funny read. Thanks again!
November 23rd, 2007 at 4:03 pm
Hi, Chris. There you go again in what is to be award-winning write-up :D
It was quite a long read as I included those articles found on your links :p
Since I have much orientation with differrent race and culture as I had been going out with people from different nationalities, there was not much stereotyping and prejudice (if there’s any) in my part. What is sad for me is that when my fellow Filipinos are being stereotyped of being something. For example, my Filipina friends who are married by Japanese men are being looked down by their Japanese parents-in-law thinking they are of the same level and quality with Filipino entertainers and prostitute who ventured in Japan and ended up with marriage to Japanese nationals. What makes me sad is that ssuch things are not true with my friends.
There’s another kind of stereotyping, that of Filipinos and Filipinos. Filipinas who get married with Americans (as most case in our province) are branded as “only after the dollar earning of the American spouse.” Well, there are a lot to put in the list…
As for Asian values, my girlfriend and I is still into the very traditional. We don’t practice premarital sex. My girlfriend wanted for us to consummate such thing once we’re married. And to think that she’s already 28 and I’m in the mid-30s :D
November 26th, 2007 at 6:55 pm
[…] by an idea of Mon earlier on this post, I searched the net far and wide to find the most common stereotypes about […]
November 27th, 2007 at 11:05 pm
Hi there I am Manu. Just a short comment:
My father is from India, my mother from Germany. I was born in Germany and live my live as ‘global nomad’. I studied in Australia, Italy and Germany. I made my Diploma in Japan. My wife is Japanese and now we have a little son and he will go to an English school. My father is born as a Hindu, my mother is a Protestant. I was raised in a Jesuit monastery, my wife is Buddhist ….
Our family was always open for everybody. All of our family members are having a very close relationship
… on the other hand my parents are also „conservative“ and stick to religion and tradition but of cause they are very open minded people and we always enjoyed diversity in live. … even if there where sometimes people doing comments …. but you always have that if you live your own life and don’t care about what your neighbours think of your or what is „normal“.
It just depends on yourself, and I can’t imagine living an other live …
November 29th, 2007 at 10:49 pm
Manu, that’s for sure an interesting mix of race, education and religion you have in your family! When I will have kids one day, I want to raise them like this. I like this truly cosmopolitan and open-minded thinking, to let everyone live up to his/her own ways. It’s admiring to see how you can take the best out of it and create your own unique style of life. Kudos!
Dodong, when reading your comment I had the feeling, that you were pulling my legs in not only one way – especially about premarital sex. I thought I knew you better from your previous comments, but who am I to judge? ;)
About the stereotypes: I guess everything you said is true and more. And for sure we experience those in our daily life. But as you said as well, it’s about how we take it, what we make out of it and if we let those prejudices influence how we cope and deal with people. As long as we can differentiate and see the real self in everyone we meet, there shouldn’t be a problem. Ignorant people are everywhere, we let them be and move on to mix with the more tolerant ones. :D
November 30th, 2007 at 4:44 pm
Hi, Chris. I’m an open-minded person, and I usually respect other people’s opinion. In the case of my girlfriend and me, it was not out of being so traditional in my part, but it is of my girlfriend’s decision that I had to be respected
But, oh, how I wish… :D
December 3rd, 2007 at 5:18 pm
Chris, after checking a bit your web page and reading your CV I am sure you’ll do that: “… I want to raise them like this.â€
Seems like you also are going you own way – I admire your power to quit everything restart again and experience life (not many people would do that!) – “and create your own unique style of lifeâ€.
December 4th, 2007 at 9:03 pm
Manu, that was more an urgent necessity after my 14 years work life, as I was really burned-out and frustrated at the end. On my travels I discover(ed) that there is more to life than earning money, doing things without productive value and satisfying only the need of your boss, company and society. And yeah, if I have kids I want them to see and feel all that at a very young age and not only when they are old and burned-out as well. So I guess we know the right thing to do! ;)
Dodong, I know that you are an open-minded yet respecting person. Just wanted to pull your leg as well. And for for sure I can understand your thoughts behind your decision and I bet your girlfriend appreciates that very much. Even more so as it might be hard for you :D
December 4th, 2007 at 9:49 pm
Chris, I always worked as a freelancer and/or doing arts – so I was lucky not to wait till I am burned-out. I couldn’t make it in an office having a boss. Freedom is the most important for me wile I work – even if you work as a freelancer more than from 9 to 5 … but your own thing, that’s why I am building up a freelancer network – but that’s a different story. Maybe I will contact you (meet you) for that reason when I am coming to Asia. I am planing to do a world-tour searching for “interesting†people joining in the network. Better direct via e-mail, I don’t want to spoil that discussion. Or maybe a new topic – work wile you travel?
December 6th, 2007 at 12:47 am
Your ideas sound interesting. Will definitely think about it! ;)
February 11th, 2008 at 6:12 pm
I am a Filipina living and working in Switzerland. My colleages just admitted to me 2 weeks ago that before meeting me and hearing all my stories about how catholic we are in the Philippines, they thought that Filipinas are easy and “for sale”. I am glad that I changed their minds. The problem is, when a foreigner comes to the Philippines (or other Asian countries), the only place where they meet local women are in bars. The problem is, one most probably cannot meet a “normal” woman in a bar. Then they would conclude that all Filipinas are “for sale”.
Honestly, in the beginning of my relationship with my husband (when he was just my boyfriend), I was so ashamed to walk with him in the street. I am used to being respected, you see, but when I was with him in Manila, I get treated very badly. What is strange is that now after being married 4 years, I don’t care anymore about being seen with him or not, and it seems that the people also don’t care anymore.
March 8th, 2008 at 6:23 am
[…] Chirs comes to us with this article: Mixed Relationships in Asia – a Status Quo. You can check this out at nomad4ever. […]
April 12th, 2008 at 4:34 am
Im married to a pinay and I can tell you; for the most part, our experiances here (we live in Texas, USA) have been ok. but let it be known: 2008 or not ,there are still alot of racist morons, alive and well down here. its a nice relief to see so many interracial couples, mainly white men and asian women on TV commericials now! and to see them in reality out there at shopping malls, stores, etc. the barriers are coming down fast, much to the chagrine of the “old guard” who were raised on that whole “Asia is one big country and they’re all Japanese” idiotic redneck bullshit. speaking of stereotypes falling out of someone’s mouth…..my wife’s now EX-boss was quoted as saying within earshot of my wife, no less, “yeah….and I heard they all eat dogs over there! disgusting!”……….this was a company in a well-to-do affluent suburb of North Houston. L-) =))
needless to say my wife has since moved on and is working elsewhere now, much happier with less fucktard redneck mentality idiots around her.
January 5th, 2009 at 1:21 pm
i think CHRIS get burn,what i know is bule or foreigner they are loser go to asia maybe still have the good people to get in that way,and for me for sure you been dating bargirl or prostitute.i Agree with MANU his family so open mind for diversity of love and culture,raising race in family is amazing and copeletly full love.i meet ageing like chris they love to play with young asian girl,and i have friend from greek he always told me he tired,he being loser in asia spend time many years and travel look out of the girl or drink with friends who same like him.i am indonesia my boy friends is from france ,iam muslim and he chatholic protestant but i never force him to go in my religion or one day if i get married with different religion i never force my partner to change it.and for me i am independent girl is not like what you though in euro or Us they are independent maybe have some clingy or wahtever
from teenager till twenty i never depent for anybody not my parent or boyfriends i rise my self.i meet so many man like you is so funny to see and i believe you go trough it.just i can SAY we cant JUDGE anybody in our life but i respect your idea because you a lot travel and i think you tired being of this world.for me GOOD LUCK in your AGE and happy in your future
January 5th, 2009 at 3:34 pm
FILIPINOS,SINGAPORE,THAILAND,and CHINESE maybe they are crazy with white man or foreigner but not indonesia,and i can see that so many singapore girl so attracthed by that,i been dating a much white man but not really interesting at all why i am not really interest ,white man always think so idiotly if this girl poor,depent of me,she want my money,and much more.emh…..for me this is trick but i also happy if some of them get in trought with they are asian girlfriend.in thailand you can see white man with thai girl or filipinos girl and well filipinos and chinese on top of asia for foreigner.but if in indonesia you cant see white man walk INDOgirl maybe just a few.and you CHRIS i believe you have try of those girl in your travel in asia when i see in your photo you old enough should be true in your life.and ENJOY FROM GOOGLE.zoup
January 5th, 2009 at 5:16 pm
hi ryan, there are certainly many indo girls walking with bule in bali and batam,.if i were in their shoes, i would like to walk with whitemen too…this is survival….Btw, Chris, mind telling us what is the nationalityof your partner? indo? personally, i find indo girls very attractive.. they are one of the reasons many choose to retire in beautiful Indonesia…
January 5th, 2009 at 10:11 pm
ryan Zoup, thanks for assuming that I’m one of the old burned Expats, who just travel around Asia to pickup Bar Girls and Prostitutes! :D
January 6th, 2009 at 12:48 pm
hehe but that reality whiteman travel in asia :D
January 6th, 2009 at 11:31 pm
hi there from snowing Berlin
I think you are mixing up two discussions.
One is about man hanging out in bars looking for cheap sex – they are mental losers for sure. You can find these guys in East and West Europe, South America and Asia … you can find them all over the world. Of cause you find more of them in areas where the people have less money and where it is easier to find women as well as men in need for money with the only hope to get out of the misery through a foreigner (there is a huge sex tourism going on in South America and Africa where frustrated ladies from richer countries “travel” …). You can name it as you like – but NOT RELATIONSHIP!
The other discussion is about “MIXED RELATIONSHIPS”. This is a complete different and interesting story…
best from snowing Berlin
January 7th, 2009 at 10:21 am
haha absolutly different interesting story :D
January 7th, 2009 at 1:43 pm
Mixed marriages come with the trend of globalization and it is here now for us to stay. Stereotyping and prejudice are getting slimmer as more and more people are getting educated about mixed relationship. I personally have known a lot of inter-racial marriages that went on smoothly with the full acceptance of the Filipino society (me being based in Manila). In fact, my present boss, a Filipino, is married to a Japanese woman.
As for ryan Zoup‘s comment, that’s too presumptuous and unwarranted of her. Is she commenting out of prejudice?
January 7th, 2009 at 2:30 pm
what i am do i am comment about reality of caucasian travel in asia and that the fact,i think you the lover reader of this web.and i see in your foto you look age and anger haha kidding =D>
January 7th, 2009 at 4:04 pm
ryan Zoup: You’re not making any sense at all.
January 7th, 2009 at 7:05 pm
yes dude that the fact!why i can said this is true happen :D
January 7th, 2009 at 9:26 pm
ha!ha!ha! ryan Zoup is a SHE..oh, my god!!!! not a hope of her hooking a local where she gets her basic education….I am a local I know….
January 8th, 2009 at 12:40 pm
yey basic education certainly no HEhe………………you local huhu you get behind bro haha robert you make me laught,haha are you kidding HOHO……….. =))
January 8th, 2009 at 3:57 pm
post your photo here..may be you have a chance…don`t practise your English here…in your school..otherwise you will be obliterated ( a word a day). ok, love, at least sell your beautiful country here..
January 9th, 2009 at 12:54 pm
what?haha before i came here i can speak english maybe my english better than you, why i can said that because i find here so far what i thought is not proper yet.but thanks to say my country is beauty haha robert sound so excited to chat with you :D
January 9th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
ryan Zoup: Will you please shut up for once and give us peace once and for all. Nuisance like you didn’t make any sense at all. If you’re messing up just to practice your English, please don’t pollute this website. If I were the owner of this website, I should have banned you already from commenting. Enough said.
January 9th, 2009 at 1:18 pm
come on DODONG FLORES i dont make any fault here but you are take my comment so far and get burn,the first thing i enjoy of his blog about travel and you and other comment mix with two discussion.what kind have you anger with me that mean you get long behind bro,btw is your matter to do that.Otherwise i have no matter with you is mine here :D
January 9th, 2009 at 4:10 pm
ryan Zoup, I have to agree with Dodong Flores here. This site is NOT a chat. Please look, you produce 30+ comments in just a few days, many more I deleted already, because they just contained a few stuttered words not related at all to the content of the respective article, or repetitions of earlier comments.
While I appreciate your enthusiasm and means for active discussion, most of your contributions don’t do that, but merely cause confusion or mean to insult anyone or anything that isn’t your opinion.
So please refrain from commenting excessively this way, as I otherwise have to exclude a reader from commenting. That would be you – and a pity.
Again: this is NOT a chat! Comments are meant for readers to contribute and to add their view or experiences. Thanks! :-B
January 9th, 2009 at 4:46 pm
ok well thanks….
January 21st, 2009 at 2:26 pm
Whoever thinks that the Philippines is a conservative country should take a look at the runaway population growth. Recently, WHO tagged the HIV problem in the Philippines to ‘hidden and growing’ with new infections doubling every month- PEOPLE ARE HAVING SEX PEOPLE! Just get over it. Interracial marriages in the Philippines is no problem although like as much in other places in Asia – women are the most disadvantaged- women who goes with white guys are typically seen as women of loose morals (although that is quite a big hypocritical sh*t since people hump around like crazies, sic, the unabated population boom feed upon by the Philippine government inaction to control it, and Catholic Church’s meddling into the affairs of the State).
March 13th, 2009 at 1:28 am
I think we should respect every culture for every country
March 13th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
I have to agree with you Ryan, that the influence of the Catholic Church in regards to HIV and sex is mainly counterproductive, if not even dangerous. Safe sex is frowned upon and even discouraged, no wonder those numbers are exploding. But doubling every month? That sounds pretty scary, where did you read about it?
March 13th, 2009 at 3:55 pm
Mark, well said!
April 9th, 2009 at 3:45 pm
hi! I am an example of mixed blood from a Chinese father and a half Philippine and half Spanish mother. I can really understand the pressure from the society but when you grew up eventually people see what is inside of you.. of course there are also advantage of being more good looking than others or they said more wittier. What i want to say is when i came here in Xiamen, China. Now the people are more open towards mixed marriage like i have a guy friend whom have a girl friend from Slovinia and they both respected by both Family. So try coming here for yourself and try to see what the people would say about Chinese from the south.
April 11th, 2009 at 12:30 am
David Tan, fortunately, people seem to get more open minded the more common mixed relationships become in the public. I never understood why somebody would frown upon it anyway, there are so many diverse people on the planet – how can it be better to simply inbred in your own race?
May 14th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
I admire the time and effort you put into your blog. I wish I had the same drive
May 30th, 2009 at 10:31 pm
Max Loong is mix of Swiss + Malaysian Chinese, not Swiss + Malay
May 31st, 2009 at 12:00 pm
Oops – thanks for pointing that out!
August 10th, 2009 at 9:03 am
It is sad when these white guys have to look outside their race to find a companion. Whats the matter, have something against your own race? Can’t find another white girl who will like you because you’re a loser so you have to travel to another country? Maybe so as those white guys dating or marrying those Asians look like losers anyway can can’t get any from their own kind. L-)
Same goes for those cheap Asian chicks. Pathetic. I have respect for those Asians that stick to their own instead of going for the dork white guys
I’m white and proud of it and glad I married my white wife.
August 10th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Alex, nice try to provoke some response here. For me it’s just laughable, how people still today can think in their racial boundaries. You woulnd’t have a president Obama or other successful leaders around the globe. If you think you just have to date within your own race, that’s fine for you – just don’t assume everyone has to think like you do. L-)
August 10th, 2009 at 12:13 pm
Well-written article. With the comments you’ve left up, I’m scared to think of the ones you had to axe. There are a lot of people in the world. A lot of ignorant ones, too. But learning about other cultures and ways does nothing more than enlighten people.
Growing up in and around southern California, there is opportunity to choose to be with pretty much any nationality or race of friend or mate. There are those who find similarity attractive, those who find differences “exotic”, and plenty of people who just like people. We’re all human, and there is much to learn in the world.
I’ve dated and befriended people from more countries than I’ve visited. It’s strange to me that people are still so hung up on categorizing people in the 21st century.
Good topic.
August 11th, 2009 at 12:45 pm
James – I like your attitude. Like you said, after all we live in the year 2009. How still some people have those medieval positions is completely beyond me. =D>
August 11th, 2009 at 1:54 pm
i can so relate!..my husband is white – not the old, fat, balding kind that was mentioned above, thank goodness..- but just about my age, tall, lean and handsome I should say – but that doesn’t spare me from the bad stares when we walk around manila, and i know they must be thinking that im either a bar girl or a farm girl who worked as a maid in some foreign country..(i am a pilot by the way). it happened so many times in beijing – a young guy actually approached my husband and asked if i “was good!” and you can tell by their gestures what they were talking about, and of course we weren’t born yesterday. my god, they actually thought i was some chinese prostitute. only in asia though, so far i have not encountered that while in the united states. but who cares really..its actually funny that some people can be so ‘close-minded’ or maybe you can’t blame them because they don’t know anything else but what is in their immediate environment, very limited exposure to other cultures.
August 12th, 2009 at 2:34 pm
marie, hah! We had a similar experience like you guys in Manila. Once we were together in a Circle-K store in Bali; a male shop assistant asked my girlfriend with a sleazy smile, if she is simply with me, because I have a bigger part down there. So she simply answered: “yep – yours would be wayyyyy too small for me, it wouldn’t even tickle”. He turned red and shut up. We had a good laugh! :D
I guess it’s either ignorance, prejudice, jealousy or all the wrong stereotypes. It’s not worth to worry about those individuals, although it can be hard to learn to ignore them.
August 12th, 2009 at 6:53 pm
Marie’s experience is not unusual to me. One time, I was driving for a Filipina friend whose Japanese fiancee just arrive. I brought them to Japanese embassy in Pasay City since they were preparing for their legal marriage. As I finished parking my car, some drivers were approaching me and as I was mistaken to be my Filipina friend’s chauffeur, I was told my “boss” is “jackpot” with the Japanese guy she’d bingwit or “fished-out.” Another one said that the girl looks like she’s “never-been-touched” despite of being Japayuki. Their statements were conclusive that only showed me that any Filipina who is seen to be with some Japanese guy is typecasted to be Filipina entertainers in Japan. What saddened me is the fact that these are your fellow Filipinos who are thinking such thing. And my friend is just a mere believer of Unification Church founder Dr. Sun Myung Moon and had participated the matching process. Her meeting with her fiancee happened due to their religious conviction of inter-racial marriage for world peace advocated by the Unification Church founder. And here, by just being with a Japanese guy, she became a Filipina entertainer in Japan from the viewpoint of her fellow Filipinos.
As for the comment #49, I don’t understand the point. What’s wrong with interracial marriages? I have some friends who got married to nice Americans who exactly don’t look like “dork white guys” and surely not a loser in their own country. It’s funny sometimes how some people can assume that what’s right for them may be the right thing for everyone. I wonder from what early century his mindset is. Glad that he knows of this technology called the Internet…
August 17th, 2009 at 3:08 am
Anyway everybody knows that Philipines suxx right ?
Thai are so nice that don’t judge people and mixed couples, a lot different in retarded philipines… one more reason to never live there again…
August 17th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
And what trip are you on, andreani? There are surely no general assumptions about the people in Thailand or the Philippines. In both you can see a fair amount of mixed couples and mainly in both countries you have little to no problems with that. And yes, also in Thailand you have many people who will judge you only on the size of your wallet. The friendly Thai mask can sometimes fall easier than you can say ‘Sanuk’. So what are those generalizations good for?
August 17th, 2009 at 5:39 pm
Andreani,
Comments like that only show that you are very uneducated, uncultured and not very well-traveled. If you can’t find the beauty of the Philippines then you will never find it elsewhere.
Thailand is pretty, but compared to the Philippines, is nothing. And yes, we don’t hold our airports hostage as well – holding the airports hostage in Bangkok and raiding the ASEAN meeting place in Phuket – it is the Thai way of saying to the millions of tourists to their country – One Big F**K You. Hey, don’t blame me, even their current Prime Minister acknowledges that the subterfuge is showing.
Cheers and Sawasdee You Crap.
:))
August 17th, 2009 at 5:45 pm
I think andreani just have too much in the television. Why don’t you stay here in the Philippines and experience it for yourself? Or, if you’ve been here already sometime in your life, then maybe you can specifically share your experience – good or bad. You can’t really put an opposing comparison here between Thais and Filipinos. I’d been with Thais too sometime in my life (one was a former employer) and I know what it is all about living with them…
August 27th, 2009 at 6:41 pm
You should read better instead of just don’t like what I’m saying…
Living in Thailand after years in Philippines I will never return even for vacation.
Some Filipinos are nice, but most ….
Even Filipinos in Thailand are mostly unfriendly and noisy people.
I guess it’s you who should travel more and learn, who on this site has been living in both countries and can really HONESTLY say that Philippines as anything better than Thailand ?
Cheers.
August 28th, 2009 at 10:38 am
Excuse me Andreani – for sure I read more and travel more than you. But of course, that is not the point here. I could send you an entire discourse on why the Philippines is better than Thailand – for one thing – Thailand has you living in their midst. I’ve met a lot of Thais and save for one, all of them are absolute fakes.
I do not understand this national inferiority complex at all which apparently extends to clueless and inebriated farangs in Thailand. For one Thailand owes the education of most of its leaders from the Philippines, the agriculture technology and engineering that has built Thailand was taken from the Philippines as well. For one, Asia never mattered to the Philippines until these past 10 years – if not for the ASEAN, we would have dissociated entirely from the region. Then and even now, Filipinos generally viewed countries like Thailand more like a novelty – its golden temples, festering slums and world-class sex tourism which had basically propped up the Thai economy for years. For sure we have slums, and I know the whole world knows about that – because we don’t pay big TV networks to hide it from the rest of the world like Thailand does.What does it say about the country? FAKE. FAKE. FAKE. What does Thailand have to say about its appalling treatment of the Burmese refugees and its military intrusions into a revered Cambodian temple? What does Thailand have to say about bribing Olympic officials so that its boxers can win a gold medal? Corruption you say? Thailand and Indonesia tops this year’s Most Corrupt Countries survey! They landed both on top of the 14 Asian economies as seen in a survey of more than 1,700 expatriate business executives by the Political and Economic Risk Consultancy (PERC).
Btw, beaches? Do you know that the novel and the film The Beach was based on the experiences and travels of the author in Palawan and Boracay? He set the book in Thailand because Thailand gets the backpacker type traveler which we rarely get here. Or you can just ask the owner of this blog of what he thinks.
I mean, seriously dude, if you are here planning to start a flame war, you should be really prepared for it and not sputter non-sequiturs and tasteless, hackneyed expressions which is not even backed up by any real evidence but mere conjectures.
August 28th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
I need not say more. Ryan says it all…
August 29th, 2009 at 8:05 pm
Hi Chris, I am married to a stunning Filipina 18 years younger than me, I am 42. We get far more crap in Australia than in Asia. She is the Mayor’s daughter at home in the Philippines, we had a huge wedding; if you do the ‘right thing’ by the girl in the Philippines you are gold. The wrong thing may get you made into crab bait.
August 30th, 2009 at 12:59 am
While I have a spare moment I will add something here.
I am fully with you Chris, in your opinion of rascists, no need to rewrite the book here on that subject.
As to why so many western men go for Asian girls and vis-versa/ there are stereotypical reasons in some cases for sure. I see them often when I am home in the Philippines. However I don’t judge them. I know some couples with 30 year and 50kg differences; some are the cliche’ obese western guy with ex hooker wife. In Australia or the USA they are treated very poorly.
However, at least where I live in provincial Philippines it comes down to how these couples treat each other. If the wife has straigtened her life up from the very low position of prostitution to become a ‘good wife’, even more so a mother; the society around them will respect her for it. The guy will often be seen as a benefactor. The idea that these guys marry prostitutes because that is all they can get is completely false.
They fact is that if a guy is prepared to go through the protocols of relationships and marriage, he has a very good chance of finding a very intelligent beauty who has not been bashed or abused ever by anyone.
The reason these guys end up with hookers is simple: they start off with them, chemistry does the rest. They fall in love with the girl and want to save her.
It’s all very well for priveledged white folks from rich countries to prosthelise about this being mutual convenience and not real; but they are wrong. I know many couples who are deeply in love who started off ‘on the wrong foot’.
The richest member of my large Baptist Pinoy family is a lady who worked as a hooker in Angeles City for a couple of years in the 70’s. She married an American Sailor and had 3 children with him. They live in Connecticut, he is an engineer she is a straight massage therapist. As soon as they were married all the very strong moral convictions of her childhood came back. She was only a hooker out of desperation. The entire, very orthodox family has accepted her. She has done very nicely for herself and the family.
I met my wife on a chat site 3 years ago. I was chatting for 3 years after a miserable breakup. I met hundreds of women from dozens of countries.
3 were the most charming; they were all Filipina.
I married the most charming, beautiful, intelligent and courageous woman I have ever met. Before marriage I had to meet her whole family and seek their approval. I had hired her as a business consultant for several months before we announced our engagement; we were never allowed to be alone together until the knot was tied.
Whilst I found all the traditional stuff a bit of a drag; I can now very clearly see it’s purpose/s.
There is a niceness about Filipino, both men and women, which has been long gone in western countries for decades. Manners mean a real lot. Respect for tradition is important. Looking after the elders as well as the children is a basic obligation; the Government isn’t going to do it for you.
As for people’s opinions and comments about our age/ race gap: I don’t give a hoot except for the fact that I write people off if they do it to me or my wife.
In the Philippines this almost never happens; people rspect other people’s relationships and choices. In Australia people feel it’s necessary to throw their 10 cents worth in a lot of the time. I gauge their IQ as substantially less than average and move on.
My own mother when I announced our engagment said “I wouldn’t get involved with anyone from that country Chris!” I didn’t tell her about my wife’s status or anything just that there are 90 million + Filipino and they can’t all be bad.
5 minutes on the phone with my wife and my mother’s tune changed completely, she has never criticised us since.
As stereotypes breakdown, the natural law of opposites attracting increases it’s effect. Eventually there will be no such thing as ‘race’; however I and many others have chosen to enjoy the difference, while it’s still there!
August 30th, 2009 at 2:05 am
Thanks for that open, honest and personal insight! I’m still amazed by the colorful characters I meet while traveling in Asia and would say that you have a high percentage of hypocrites, idiots and racists among them. But then thus is the case back in Europe, Australia or the US. :D
August 30th, 2009 at 9:19 am
I’m not sure exactly what you mean here Chris?
Are you talking about the travellers or locals?
Personally the 2 most unattractive people I meet in Asia are the sex tourists and ex servicemen who have not married or formed ties but are just there for what they can get for cheap.
I also find that the more Chinese influence in a particular area the more racist it tends to be. However, Chinese racism is distainfull more than violent or dangerous, unlike racism in Australia can be.
The most serious racism I have ever come across is where I work in remote Northern Territory. Working on Aboriginal Communities as I do is a real eye opener; the towns which supply these outstations are by far the most hatefull racist places in South East Asia.
I have a big chunk of German blood in me but not a german name or accent, I suspect that being German is a position with another view of racism to other generally white people; due to unfortunate incidents over 60 years ago.
Generally I don’t find racism enough to make me worry at all anywhere except in remote Australia or urban USA. Being occaisionally sneered at is no big deal. Having gangs want to bash my head in because I am in the company of Aboriginal people who I work with; that is worrying.
August 30th, 2009 at 12:47 pm
I’m talking about the tourists, Chris Simpson. And talking about racism and stereotypes, you might want to check the following article. :D
August 30th, 2009 at 7:13 pm
OK Chris, gotcha.
I would take 1 issue though. The types of tourists you describe as a high percentage seem to frequent particular places. I have never been to any of the major sleaze tourist areas. The worst sterotype I come across is the negative whinging racist western sexpat who would go home in a flash if they could live as well on as little as they do in Asia. The kind of guys who sit in an expat bar all day whining and telling newcomers all the sob stories about other expats failures in business and love.
Genuine travellers are in a pretty small minority and usually have a very broadminded attitude. To me the idea of calling oneself a ‘backpacker’ on the basis that one owns a backpack and stays at backpackers hostels talking non stop with other backpackers about the last place they went or the next place they are going; is a tad rediculous also.
20 + years ago what you are doing was done a lot more. You go somewhere and get some cheap wheels and travel on the cheap; learning and enjoying as you go. These days such travel is rare, most is either short resort stays or gap years by those too young to branch out much socially.
Basically I think stereotypes are for socially lazy and inept people; used to box or slot people conveniently to avoid having to actually get to know them.
I am very happy to find that a person like you still exists and that you encourage others to get out of the box and have a good honest and open look at the world, particularly my favorite part of it: S.E. Asia.
Congratulations and bravo!
August 30th, 2009 at 10:40 pm
Nice observations, thank you Chris Simpson! :D
September 2nd, 2009 at 2:23 am
At least Thai do not prostitute their daughters when they are underage…
You must be right also, Phils are so nice that most of the Filipinos want to leave it !
No need to add anything, but I really hope most of you stay in Phils, as it’s a perfect place for you.
September 3rd, 2009 at 11:29 am
bestenderk, really, a family in Chiang Mai tried to sell their daughter to me while I was there. LOL. Thailand is the sex capital of Asia, everyone knows that- where parents sell their kids to prostitute themselves in Pattaya, Phuket, Koh Samui, BKK – everywhere.
The major reason Filipinos leave the country is economic. And yes, we can afford to travel abroad too for leisure – but I am sorry, Thailand has nothing compared to the sights in the Philippines.
You can’t stop us, there are at least 12 Million Filipinos anywhere in the world at every timezone- so be careful traveling, you may get yourself into a rut, and the only person who can help you is a Filipino.
September 3rd, 2009 at 2:07 pm
Come on guys, what is that good for? I know you want to defend your country, but do you seriously think that one country’s people are better than the other in general? There are black, white and thankfully colored sheep in all of them.
Please take off your one-sided shades and let it rest until somebody comes up with something substantial towards the topic!
September 4th, 2009 at 11:27 am
Mmmm? not getting into that 1!
1 thing easily forgotten by westerners is their very priveleged position economicly in the world. Where I work in Australia I read recently that a person with any job here is in the top 1% of the world in real terms of buying power for hours worked. Even on welfare aussies are in the top 3%.
This huge inequality has massive social ramifications.
One of these is that a westerner is a prized partner in most of the world.
The squabbling about this or that country being better or more beautiful is a bit narrow minded. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.
I work with people from all over Asia and Africa who have been able to get to Australia by their profession and readiness to work in remote parts of the country. I have never met 1 of these who can’t see the privelege.
Many Australians are capable of complaining about low wages and high costs.
Asian and African workers know the reality of poverty. They also know the global value of money.
It is not uncommon to meet a mixed couple here who are both highly skilled dedicated workers here and able to support family back in Asia or Africa.
These people are usually very happy with life and grateful for the opportunity they have in it.
I can see the poverty in Asia every time I am there; I am not blind or looking through rose coloured glasses.
But the triumph of human nature is evident in the smiles and happiness of the people despite grinding poverty.
Those who think the whole world should be as rich as Monaco (or ever will be) are deluded. Those who can see the beauty of every country and it’s people have a real chance to have a happy life.
By being married to an Asian lady I have access to both of our countries and so does she. the best of both worlds for both of us.
The cynical attitude expressed by some people is showing both their ignorance and unhappiness. My advice would be to forget what you think you know about these places and people, stop making judgements based on socio-economics and look at the deeper truth of this miraculous life we are all sharing for a too short time. Find out how you can enjoy it rather than being upset with others who may be happier than you.
If you are married to someone of your own race good on you; I don’t hold that against you, I wish you every happiness in life.
If you feel it’s necessary to pull me down because of my choice of wife/ life partner; that is your problem.
September 4th, 2009 at 4:51 pm
Chris Simpson, thanks for this interesting and qualified comment! It looks like only who have tried to live in a mixed relationship and was able to harvest the true values of understanding and best of both worlds, can understand what it really means. The world will suddenly be more colorful and some doors may open that will stay closed otherwise. Glad to have you on board!
September 4th, 2009 at 5:23 pm
Hi Chris and thanks!
I haven’t just tried I am doing it.
I work extremely hard in Australia for 2 months and get a month to 6 weeks in Philippines for my trouble.
My wife has chosen to be there while our bub is born due to family support and safety. Where I work is very dangerous for everyone; remote aboriginal communities. But I love it. I know how to survive here.
I’m having trouble with my outloook Chris please email me and we can touch base privately. I will be back in PI from 9/20 to 1/11 if you want to just chill out on the beach and have some fum I would be happy to look after you!
Our home is in San Antonio Zambales about 120km north of Manila’
Cheers!
September 4th, 2009 at 5:25 pm
sorry mistype from September 20 to end of October.
March 12th, 2010 at 9:59 am
Wow,what a column! Thanks Chris, Chris Simpson, Ryan and other conributors.
As the name suggests I am a Kiwi by birth (I don’t consider myself as a Pakeha or Maori), educated in the US, and I am also an Australian citizen, but none of these places I call home.
My “asawa” is a Filipina. We met a decade ago in Brunei, so therefore you couldn’t consider her to be a “bar-girl”. In Malaysia she is automatically labelled as a bar-girl by any Malay and specially Immigration (even though she uses an ASEAN Business Travellers Card). At home (Philippines) we are treated regally, but not because she “got her white-guy”, but because of who SHE is.
In NZ she blends in well (the light skin and a touch of tan helps – until she speaks!!) but in OZ its back to being a “bar-girl” again. Rose Hancock has a lot to answer for!! For those that dont know the name – Google it).
We will be setting up a new business in Indonesia soon, Who knows what attitude that will bring,but thats is all part of this life we chose so good or bad we just take it in our stride and to hell with what people think! It’s worked well for us.
And yes we have had the extended family looking for handouts and a free ride, but one thingmy wife learned to tellthem early was “NO – either work for it or bleed off someone else!”
Chris- arrived in NZ two days ago and was metby southerly winds from Antarctica. Day temps less than 20c are murder after 20+ years of being so close to the equator!!! See you in Bali
March 12th, 2010 at 11:20 am
Hi KiwiNomad, I am dating a part Maori myself. But yeah, I agree, Rose Hancock did not give Filipinas a great image in Oz. Re: Asian bar girl stereotypes in NZ and Malaysia, I am not very surprised – NZ is a pretty conservative society (I’ve heard a lot of discrimination not only to Asians but also to the LGBT community there..) There’s quite a number of Filipina prostitutes in Labuan (Malaysia) which is just across Brunei as some Filipinos told me while I was traveling there last year. But yeah, Malays in Malaysia are notorious for being racists not just to Filipinos but also to other Malaysians of Indian and Chinese ethnicities. I noticed that Malays in Malaysia are a lazy bunch and two Malays tried to scam me and tried to mug me on a busy street at 9AM just as I came out of a money changer. That said, Malaysia is not the rightful owner of Sabah, but that is another story.
March 12th, 2010 at 11:28 am
Just an article I found -Thai Families Selling their Children to the Sex Trade
http://www.lilith-ezine.com/articles/sex/Thai-Families-Selling-Children-to-Sex-Trade.html
March 12th, 2010 at 2:24 pm
Ryan, agreed… We were forced to close our bar in Labuan because we WOULDN’T put the girls in there! Our place was a haven for expats because they could take their wives/girlfriends in there without being hassled by the mama-san or the girls touting (oblivious to the wife/GF). There are approx 900 “legal GRO’s” in Labuan and probably as many without permits or with fake ones (ie shop assistant/restaurant waitress)
Immigration Enforcement, in both KK and Labuan, aare in league with the traffickers. its onlywhen KL Imigresen comes checking that some get nailed, literally and figuratively.
I am not sure if we are getting off track here but the subject sure kicked off some lively comments!
March 12th, 2010 at 3:39 pm
True, human trafficking and sexual slavery is alive and well all over the world, not just Asia. Korean mafias traffic their own women to Canada, US (A lot of women arrested in NYC for prostitution are of Korean ethnicity), and Australia (I found a brothel in Sydney if I can remember it right that prides itself from being all Korean). Korean prostitutes are even being sold in Manila (for about 5,000 Pesos, one can get two Korean ‘teenagers’). It is a sad, sad, sad thing- but what can you do? The Korean government itself encourage their women to prostitute themselves to American soldiers to help prop up its dollar reserves after the wake of a devastating war in the 50s.
Elsewhere, Vietnamese, Chinese, Japanese, Indonesian, Cambodian, Indian, Filipina, Russian and Sri Lankan women are trafficked – Russian women command higher prices and Thai women are the cheapest. These women are kept in hotels in Kuala Lumpur and Singapore.
All in all, in the context of the article, there is still a lot of way to go before the East and West come to terms with a mixed relationship. It is almost as demeaning to matured Western men to go into well known sex tourism spot like Thailand to be considered as a pervert as it is for Asian women who are seen as you know what that goes out with these same Western men however genuine their relationships might be…
Sigh. Oh well, human civilization has a long way to go… :-B
May 21st, 2010 at 7:47 pm
When I told to my Dad that I have Australian bf the first question he asked is his religion. And I just told to my dad that my bf still learning about Islam (well, that’s true even I know he will not convert become muslim). He expected me to choose Indonesian guy so I don’t have to live far away from him, but I said to him it’s already my choice. Then one day my Dad asked me to bring my bf to the house coz, he wants to meet him face to face. So when my bf got days off from his work he flew to Indonesia to meet me course, and visited my dad.
My bf came to the house with polite batik shirt (traditional Javanesse dress) and long pants. And I’m glad saw reaction of my dad that welcome him with smile. They had a talked even I have to transleted to both of them. At first I thought my dad will not allowed me to have relationship with him, but by the time he accepted our relationship and I hope our relationship will end to marriage.
May 21st, 2010 at 11:54 pm
Dewi – Nasib baik untuk Anda berdua, Terpujilah Tuha
… I hope I said this the right way….. (just learning bahasa Indonesia)…
May 22nd, 2010 at 8:01 am
KiwiNomad – Terima kasih….
May 22nd, 2010 at 4:00 pm
Dewi, thanks for telling your story here! Seems, your boyfriend as well as your family are very moderate, tolerant and open-minded. That’s how it should be. Wish you guys all the best and that your plans with marriage will work out soon!
May 23rd, 2010 at 10:05 am
Thank you :D
June 7th, 2010 at 2:28 pm
[…] observers and especially Mixed Couples who are willing to tie the knot are left […]
June 10th, 2010 at 11:12 am
Hello. Almost everybdy wants love but some use love to get what they want. MY americian friend married a woman who overstayed her visa from peru. He made her part of the business, sent her to college, bought her a car. His first wife had dies so his little sone called the wife from peru, “Mommy” One day the proud husband comes home to find it empty, the car was sold, the bank accounts empty, the credit cards maxed out adn the wife? Gone back to peru. He lost his condo, he lost his business and now lives at home with his mother.
I met my now x ex peruvian at publix, She was another on ewho came her on a toursit visa and overstayed it. She was 17 years younger than me and took good care of me for a few years. My wife started cheating on me two month safter we were married. She used to watch me leave thehouse from the window for work. Most other days, she got up early to walk to the dog to her lovers condo and be gone for an hour or so. She didnt want to even sleep with me or make love to me and that was a bad sign that I later understood. I convinced her to leave my house and she then went and filed false police reports for domestic violence and rape.
All she needed was two police reports (Both made after she left) a few meetings with a counselor and a really cheap room at a womens shelter (She chose the shelter because she didnt want to pay rent and needed it as “Evidence” All immigration reguirs is two police reports and some counselig, they do not requre proof and do not even speak to the man. The restraining order court was full of women making false baseless complaints against men that they owed money to, cheated on or were after custody of the kids. out of 9 cases, only one had probable cause. It is very scarry for me being a professional. The false accusations harmed me in my career and I had to move and find another job becasue some of my competion spread around the accusations which were false. She ruined my repuation. I loved her and even went to he final immigration after she I found her cheating on me and after she made the false police reports. She was trying to get me to let her ove back in with me and pursued me for two years to get back together. watch out forany woman in the unitied States who overstays her visa. Once overstayed, you cannot return. But if you get married here, you can get residency and have all the right of an americian. I have seen this with european woman, russian women, italian, romainian etc…….. and of course latinas. The thrid peruvian I know married a cuban guy much older and used to cheat on him,. She also made the same domestic violence claims to get her papers. Man are not the only ones who cheat in the us of a either. I will never get married again.!
June 10th, 2010 at 6:02 pm
well, sorry to hear that Dave….need long time to recover your feeling for sure.
June 10th, 2010 at 6:33 pm
Dave, sorry to hear about your very bad luck. Although I must admit, the bigger the age gap, the higher the probability for story like that. In Asia these relationships are legend.
I’m not saying, that is what happened to you, but older men here are easily deceived by younger women. And it’s happening every day. Most relationships with larger age gaps seem to fail here, couples staying together longer than just 5 years are mainly around or less than 5 years apart.
Also Americans are probably more prone to fall prey, as some want to get married as soon as possible, or also due to the visa situation. If a woman stays with one for 1-2 years without getting married right aways, things usually look better and the chance of having a gold-digger are lesser, as most of them go for the ‘low-hanging’ fruits and don’t want to invest 2 years of their lives in an uncertain things without any love involved.
Wish you all the best in the future. Just don’t take it personally (it was probably just business) and don’t let this experience ruin your ability to fall in love again!
June 10th, 2010 at 7:24 pm
Maybe I’m labouring under the conception that love will always endure in the end. My Indonesian g/f is over 30 years younger than me, she knows my financial status has taken a serious downturn (pretty much broke!) since the GFC, she knows I dont have a house of my own (usually my home is a small 13 foot caravan), she has never once, in the three or more years I’ve known her, expressed any heart-felt desire to leave Indonesia – especially never shown any sign of trying to use me to just get Aussie residency/citizenship. She has been patient for almost 2 years while I’ve gone through a separation and the 12 month divorce process. She knows I’m not likely to ever truly “convert” to Islam – she knows all the differences and yet has remained with me. I can only hope that we will have a long (as long as I can stay fit and well) and happy relationship and not end up like some other mixed marriages that only last a few years. She does like the fact that I still have my hair, and that I look a lot younger than my 56 years! I can only wonder what will happen if my hair goes, my belly increases, I get more wrinkles and perhaps, if I’m lucky, more money.
June 10th, 2010 at 8:41 pm
Oh I forgot to mention too .. she is in Jakarta and I’m in Australia and we only get to see each other every couple of months for a few days visit. If she shows that much patience after we are married, I think we have a good chance.
September 30th, 2010 at 7:19 am
To all the men and women in this world : we only live once, true love is colorblind.
July 11th, 2012 at 2:24 am
i have been marry for over 6 years to a lovely license physical therapy Filipino in the states. i am a Chinese American who found her in a mail order bride catalog. we have a 4 year old son and are doing fine. i find all the article very amusing and worth while guilty reading.i think, as an mature adult in my mid 40 with a pot belly, you need to understand how to size up people honestly without any high school mind sets. you know the childish expectation, the oh-that love will see you though all problems, you can’t be that stupid. ask yourself some tough questions. what are their work ethic, vs yours?, are they loyal to her family or friend over you? what are her habit? can they carry a intelligent conversation? are they prone to any physical or mental illness? are you prone to any of that? can you be honest? can her? how do you feel about children? can you support them? not to be over done but you know a person of substance vs some one like you. can you measure up to their standard? real adult will ask these question. if the scale is low. you are in trouble. thankfully i got lucky. its not perfect but it works for me. and i may be cheap but i am dame honest in my marriage.
May 21st, 2013 at 7:46 pm
I don’t know why this would be such an issue, because the realities is that relationships between Asians and Caucasians, for example are miniscule, it barely happens, in the grand scheme of things. The mere fact that there are grievances about it, speaks poorly of the people ranting and raving about nothing.
September 3rd, 2015 at 7:07 pm
I’m enjoying your posts man I’m happy I found this blog. I moved from USA to south east Asia a few years ago. As a single man it’s been an interesting experience to say the least! Definitely a learning experience but I’m loving every minute of it! 😀
August 2nd, 2016 at 8:51 am
Good stuff. Really enjoyed the readiing!
Living in Thailand at the moment and I’m loving every moment out of it. :D